hey ladies!

i haven't been on this site in a rather long time (there are a few tribes i belong to that have over 1300 posts for me to catch up on...damn!) but i have a good excuse. i've been writing and producing my first solo album, 'everything i never asked for.' i know it isn't poetry or prose in the literal sense, but it is poetry as music and lyrics and i'm excited about it. the lyrics to one song are at the end of this post, if you're interested - anyway, just wanted to check in and let you know how glad i am that you're all out there creating!!

~ j

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'admission'

rand tells me i'm a picture that couldn't be drawn within the lines
but i'll be fine
and all the colors that fill me in, shifting just beneath my skin
are only mine
and all the happiness i see, just out of reach right in front of me
is the curse of living in periphery

people tell me to be happy, live in the moment and let it go
as if they know
i want to be anywhere but inside my head and i don't care
how i get there - i just have to go
so don't feed me lines, don't tell me it's fine
i'll let you know if i make it this time

i think too much, i say the wrong things at the wrong time
i cannot be complacent - i need to run and i need to cry
and i know i'm falling but i want someone to want to come down with me

brad says i choose my own loneliness, keep myself on the outside
he knows i like to hide
i reject the familiar in favor of possibilities
then i wonder why no one comes to find me
i am restless and bored and feeling ignored by everyone i
left behind in my search for more

i ask too much and i feel the wrong things at the wrong times
i cannot breathe, i cannot scream, i can't even find the strength to cry
and i know i'm falling but i want someone to want to come down with me

(copyright 2005)